


High

by latarde



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Not Idol, Angst, But please enjoy!, F/F, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This On My Phone, It’s Really Angsty, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, Lovers to Friends, Lowercase, No Romance, One-Sided Attraction, Smoking, Sorry about this!, Sorry!, Unrequited Love, no happy ending, smoking weed, spelling mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23442814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latarde/pseuds/latarde
Summary: she gets high to forget — but all she remembers is how much she’s in love with hwang yeji.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	High

**Author's Note:**

> &&. lia lives in canada! i saw that the legal smoking age (weed) at least, is 19! if i’m wrong please let me know! 
> 
> &&. yeji lives in Korea with her roommates chaeryoung & ryujin. 
> 
> &&. i didn’t want to add yuna in this fic since there’s mention of weed and stuff & she’s a minor... so i’m not comfortable with that. 
> 
> &&. listen to high by 5sos for the full experience.

lia would be lying if she said that she wasn’t out of it. she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t holding a rolled joint with music in the background and her ex girlfriend on her mind. it’s a little past midnight yet she can’t stop thinking of the night sky and the way that hwang yeji’s eyes glow. 

she was eyeing the white fairy lights that she bought, trying to imitate the way they’d rest on yeji’s walls. she takes a pass at the joint as she stares at the multiple pictures on her walls. they’re all from the multiple travels she had taken to korea to visit her. her friend chaeryoung said that she should take everything down, that their story was over and lia should move on. but yeji was everything for choi jisu. no matter what. 

she remembers how happy she was at the beginning of the year, how she’d pack the day before her extremely long trick and the playlists she’d make for her travels. the amount of times that she almost missed her flights due to late alarms. that makes her smile but it’s a sad one. 

the lights around her room could never compare to the real ones. but it wasn’t the lights she was trying to compare — it was the feeling of being wrapped around yeji and being able to hold her close to her chest. it was the twinkle in her eyes and how bright she’d laugh when lia made an awful joke. 

it’s been months since the duo broke up. no, scratch that. it’s been years. lia and yeji had fooled around when they were fifteen. they were kids and they had the biggest crushes on each other. lia labelled it as puppy love at first since they eventually broke up and turned into the best of friends. but now she’s nineteen and she’s thinking about hwang yeji still. the term puppy love wasn’t the one. the proper term was first love. 

between trips, lia tried her best to swallow her feelings down her throat and it worked. she’d bond with yeji’s roommates and there was never an intimate moment between them. beside lia playfully flirting and yeji flicking her off. but the last trip was different. extremely different. 

from the second that lia arrived at korea, her arms were around yeji and she couldn’t let go. it didn’t matter where they went, yeji was holding her hand and lia was willing to do the same. the duo would usually go shopping and take naps the second that they laid on yeji’s bed. lia would often take naps with yeji, under the sheets and simply would try her best to not fall in love with her even more. but it was hard when yeji loved cuddling and absolutely adored being babied. lia always bought her bears when they saw each other and yeji always held them close to her bed. they’d giggle when one of them would come between them during a conversation. 

lia realized she was in love with her best friend during a ghost tour. it was in her **first** trip to korea. she had been visiting during halloween and ryujin, yeji’s roommate had found a pretty cheap ghost tour. it took a little bit of convincing, but they eventually went.

the tour in so, wasn’t scary. it was hard to consider it scary when there were so many lights and ryujin had invited a few of her friends over. the tour guide was kind and cracked jokes. it seemed more like a family gathering than a scary ghost tour. yeji and lia lingered in the back as always, hands brushing agaisnt each other and almost instantly — yeji caught note that lia couldn’t stop shivering. 

_“you’re wearing your scarf wrong, lia.” she said softly. they both stop in their tracks and yeji unwinds the yellow scarf that’s wrapped around the girl. yeji’s so close that she can see how red her cheeks are. lia instantly raises her gloved hands to her cheeks, trying to warm her up._

_“you’re cold too.” she comments as the other does her magic on her scarf. yeji only laughs._

_“just a little bit.”_

_lia tugs the hood of yeji’s jacket over her hair and pulls the strings. it’s not as warm as a scarf but she thinks it’s enough for her. at least for now._

“ _thank you.” she says, so gentle that it’s almost lost in the wind. but before lia could possibly say anything, ryujin was calling them over. the pretty girl laughed, pulling lia with her and it’s in that moment that she realizes that hwang yeji is etched in her heart forever_. 

the first days in korea were always fun. lia would wake up in the afternoon and take yeji around the town without a second thought in her head. they’d photograph everything and anything. yet the last days in korea, were the saddest ones. lia always left with a full suitcase yet an empty chest. she felt like something was missing from inside of her. she knew that it was yeji, but also ryujin and her girlfriend chaeryoung whom always made her feel welcome. they’d surprise her with gifts every single time she came and commented on how lia should simply move in with them. that would earn a blush from yeji and a smile from lia. 

“what are you watching?” lia questions, closing the door behind her after taking a much needed shower. she’s pulling her hair into a bun and making her way to the other’s bed. 

“huh?” yeji asks, eating some snacks. “oh! this anime. do you wanna watch with?” 

"hm. sure. why not.” lia says, taking her slippers off and climbing on the comfortable bed. she takes her side of the bed and like normal, she wraps her arms around her waist and rests her chin on her shoulder so she can see. yeji can’t feel it — but her heart won’t stop rushing. 

lia’s blows the smoke out of her mouth and instantly goes for another pass. the song that’s playing in the background doesn’t help these memories but what else can she do? yeji doesn’t love her like she loves her. 

the **last** sleepover they had. that’s one that she’ll always and always **remember**. 

yeji had been called into work, which made her extremely angry, but lia instantly reaassured her that it was okay. that they could have a cliché sleepover when she came home and that everything would be alright at home. the oldest grunted, not pleased with that but still agreed. 

that night, they didn’t watch a movie nor painted their nails like the girls in the movies did. instead, they faced each other and laid under her fairy lights. the damned fairy lights that haunt lia every single morning, every single evening and every single dawn. the damned fairy lights she missed. 

“do you remember when we met? you were really annoying. you wouldn’t stop bothering me until i followed you back on twitter.” yeji says teasingly and lia can’t help the loud laugh that leaves her mouth. that was far from the truth. but she’d let it slide. it was their last night together. 

"this annoying kid is your best friend. so you're glad you kept me around." lia says and the word best friend burns like acid. she doesn’t want to be yeji’s best friend. she wants to be more. 

yeji laughs, "i guess. you did buy me all these stuffies... i think i’ll keep you around.” 

lia laughs, pretending to be hurt by her words. “you only want me for my money? wow, hwang yeji! you know what? goodnight.” she says, trying to turning around and instead — she’s faced with her best friend close to her. the closest she’s ever been. that makes her breath hitch. 

there’s silence between the two of them and it’s like their hearts are thumping as one. lia can feel yeji’s heart and she’s sure that the other can hear hers. yeji has a strand of hair covering one of her eyes and she reaches to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

"w-what was that?" yeji stutters. 

"it.. it was covering your eye." lia answers and she realizes how nervous she sounds. she hates it. she wants to be confident but she can’t. 

"so? it’s just my ey—“ 

"i like your eyes." lia blurts out without a second thought. it catches her by surprise but it’s not without the other answering. 

"really?" she asks in disbelief. she knew that the other was somewhat insecure about her eyes and she instantly nods. she nods like the nervous mess she is. 

"i like your eyes too." 

they end up kissing that night. they kiss once but lia pulls yeji back, they kiss twice and this time yeji is the one that tugs. they kiss so much and they both feel like they wasted so much time. 

saying goodbye was a mess. lia had been crying since she woke up and even after arriving to canada. her eyes were puffy and she couldn’t stop the feeling of being incomplete. it’s different when you see them. you can talk with them and text with them every single day, but the feeling that lia got while holding yeji was everything she could possibly want. 

they dated for a few months but eventually yeji called it quits. saying how it was awkward and how she liked their friendship before any of this happened. maybe that’s what broke lia into so many bits and pieces. 

her joint is over and she’s pressing the ending bud into oblivion. lia felt like an utter fool. she felt like she was stuck in the same boat and couldn’t get out of this situation. it’s been long weeks since yeji called it quits and they were finally back to normal. at least lia was trying. she’d watch how pretty yeji would look in her selfies and when they’d facetime, she still had the glow in her eyes. the glow that made her fall in love. 

lia doesn’t remember when she starts crying. lia doesn’t remember when she sits up and starts sobbing out yeji’s name. it’s frustrating because she’s tried to move on. she’s tried to move on with girls that were absolutely stunning. but none of them had what she did. none of them had her adorable snooze scrunch and their kisses didn’t grant her the same happiness that yeji’s did. 

choi jisu doesn’t want to be in love with anybody that isn’t hwang yeji. and that’s tough, because she doesn’t feel the same way towards her. she wishes that she could stop thinking about her but she can’t. she can’t and it’s like she’s choking in thin air. she knows that the hananaki curse isn’t real, but it feels like there’s thorns in the middle of her throat ripping her apart. 

she lays back on her bed, hoping that the effects eventually sinks in and she’s staring at the cheap copy of yeji’s fairy lights. the lights that reminded her of every single laugh, of every desperate kiss and the warmth of the other girl. 

“i hope you think about me as much as i think about you.” she talks into the air and heartbreak is never pleasant. it feels like you’re being pulled apart and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. you can only stand by and watch as your heart tears. 

lia rests on her side, reaching for the heart shaped pillow and she’s clutching it to her chest. almost like it’s a band-aid and could fix this pain but it doesn’t. she thinks nothing will fix this. 

“i hate being in love with you. i hate being high and thinking about you. i hate being sober and thinking about you. i hate looking at our old pictures and replaying the memories. i hate missing your hand in mine and i hate how i’d do anything to be with you right now. i hate that i love you, hwang yeji. i hate it.” she cries into her pillow and she’s utterly alone in her bedroom. 

“will you ever _love_ me?” 


End file.
